I touched on the topic of fear and worry in my previous post. I mentioned that fear is good in the context of what it is supposed to do - keep us alive. Fear does an excellent job of keeping us alive, but constant fear and worry can paralyze us and keep us from our right life and from reaching our fullest potential.
Fear is a state of mind, a negative emotional response to a perceived threat. It leads to an urge to either confront the threat (typical fight response), to flee from it (typical flight response), or often just freeze (or paralysis) in the face of the threat. Fear is one of a few basic, or innate, emotions and almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable.
In our modern society our fears are often irrational or delusional fears, which are not responses to legitimate threats, but instead are triggered by our perceptions, misinformation, past traumas or status anxiety, i.e. an anxiety about what others think of us; about whether we're judged a success or a failure, a winner or a loser. However, there are more realistic fears we all deal with at some point. In my previous post I mention 6 basic fears, and a seventh that is inherited from other people. Understanding these fears, recognizing them as 'limiting beliefs', and approaching them with acceptance, willingness and reason, allows us to disarm them and deal with them. Next we consider how to deal with fear.
Our first step is to recognize that the indecision to deal with fear creates anxiousness and constant anxiousness leads to worry. Therefore, fear becomes translated into a state of worry through indecision and we thus need a strategy, i.e. make some decisions, relating to each of the basic fears. Let's review each of them briefly and some of the choices we can make.
Fear of loss of money or poverty. First, accept you are in control of your life (i.e. internal locus of control). Second, accept that you are responsible for accumulating as much money or wealth as possible without worry. Third, decide to get along with the wealth you are capable of accumulating, i.e. live within your means.
Fear of shame and criticism. First, don't succumb to status anxiety. Secondly, choose an 'everyone else' or 'other people' (i.e. the different groups of 'people' you compare yourself against often created only in your mind and not based on any factual information or actual people) that will serve you. In other words, choose the 'everyone else' or 'someone else' or 'no one else' who’s opinion will matter to you, don’t simply assume or imagine what these groups of people think of you.
Fear of illness and loss of life quality and function. Choose to forget any symptoms you might experience. Don't focus on every ache or pain in your body and expect the worst. Choose to accept the natural aging of your body.
Fear of loss of love or someone. Master the fear of loss of love by focusing on areas in your life where love exists in different forms. Choose secondly to give love rather than expect love. By giving love you will be rewarded with love (love begets love), in many different forms.
Fear of old age. Choose to accept old age not as a handicap, but choose to see it as a new season in one’s life filled with wisdom, self-control, and understanding not known to youth. Choose to see it as an opportunity to contribute back to society.
Fear of death. This is our biggest and most real fear. Here I would like to quote Steve Jobs. He said a while before his passing: "remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." He also said "remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." The truth is that no one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there and yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent.
We can all stop the habit of worry by accepting responsibility for yourself and everything in your life, and realize that nothing that life has to offer is worth the price of worry. With this choice will come calmness which will lead to happiness, which in turn allows us to see fear as opportunity, the start of something, and not the end we perceive it to be.
A quick word on the seventh fear, i.e. fear created by the negative influence from other people. We all think of ourselves, at different times, as both 'good' and 'bad', 'smart' and 'dumb', etc. Furthermore, we all pick up on what other people are thinking of us, e.g. whether we are 'good' or 'bad'. Therefore, we often perceive ourselves as 'good' or 'bad' based on what we think other people think of us. From this it is clear that choosing to allow certain people into your life can greatly benefit you or it can cause your downfall. If you happen to open your mind to the destructive thoughts of other people, then you are at the mercy of these people. Protecting yourself against negative influences is very simple, think and act for yourself. Don't leave your mind open to the negative influences of other people. I realize this choice is a lot easier for people who classify themselves as secure and very difficult for people who are anxious or insecure. In a next post I will discuss how you can discover our inner value and become more secure in yourself.
I believe this post will help you take control of your fears by deciding to accept them for what they are, take decisions that will serve you, and acknowledge yourself as the master of your fate, the captain of your destiny. I believe this will inspire you to strive toward your legacy each day no matter what your circumstances may be.
Be extraordinary!
Myles
Fear is a state of mind, a negative emotional response to a perceived threat. It leads to an urge to either confront the threat (typical fight response), to flee from it (typical flight response), or often just freeze (or paralysis) in the face of the threat. Fear is one of a few basic, or innate, emotions and almost always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable.
In our modern society our fears are often irrational or delusional fears, which are not responses to legitimate threats, but instead are triggered by our perceptions, misinformation, past traumas or status anxiety, i.e. an anxiety about what others think of us; about whether we're judged a success or a failure, a winner or a loser. However, there are more realistic fears we all deal with at some point. In my previous post I mention 6 basic fears, and a seventh that is inherited from other people. Understanding these fears, recognizing them as 'limiting beliefs', and approaching them with acceptance, willingness and reason, allows us to disarm them and deal with them. Next we consider how to deal with fear.
Our first step is to recognize that the indecision to deal with fear creates anxiousness and constant anxiousness leads to worry. Therefore, fear becomes translated into a state of worry through indecision and we thus need a strategy, i.e. make some decisions, relating to each of the basic fears. Let's review each of them briefly and some of the choices we can make.
Fear of loss of money or poverty. First, accept you are in control of your life (i.e. internal locus of control). Second, accept that you are responsible for accumulating as much money or wealth as possible without worry. Third, decide to get along with the wealth you are capable of accumulating, i.e. live within your means.
Fear of shame and criticism. First, don't succumb to status anxiety. Secondly, choose an 'everyone else' or 'other people' (i.e. the different groups of 'people' you compare yourself against often created only in your mind and not based on any factual information or actual people) that will serve you. In other words, choose the 'everyone else' or 'someone else' or 'no one else' who’s opinion will matter to you, don’t simply assume or imagine what these groups of people think of you.
Fear of illness and loss of life quality and function. Choose to forget any symptoms you might experience. Don't focus on every ache or pain in your body and expect the worst. Choose to accept the natural aging of your body.
Fear of loss of love or someone. Master the fear of loss of love by focusing on areas in your life where love exists in different forms. Choose secondly to give love rather than expect love. By giving love you will be rewarded with love (love begets love), in many different forms.
Fear of old age. Choose to accept old age not as a handicap, but choose to see it as a new season in one’s life filled with wisdom, self-control, and understanding not known to youth. Choose to see it as an opportunity to contribute back to society.
Fear of death. This is our biggest and most real fear. Here I would like to quote Steve Jobs. He said a while before his passing: "remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important." He also said "remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." The truth is that no one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there and yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent.
We can all stop the habit of worry by accepting responsibility for yourself and everything in your life, and realize that nothing that life has to offer is worth the price of worry. With this choice will come calmness which will lead to happiness, which in turn allows us to see fear as opportunity, the start of something, and not the end we perceive it to be.
A quick word on the seventh fear, i.e. fear created by the negative influence from other people. We all think of ourselves, at different times, as both 'good' and 'bad', 'smart' and 'dumb', etc. Furthermore, we all pick up on what other people are thinking of us, e.g. whether we are 'good' or 'bad'. Therefore, we often perceive ourselves as 'good' or 'bad' based on what we think other people think of us. From this it is clear that choosing to allow certain people into your life can greatly benefit you or it can cause your downfall. If you happen to open your mind to the destructive thoughts of other people, then you are at the mercy of these people. Protecting yourself against negative influences is very simple, think and act for yourself. Don't leave your mind open to the negative influences of other people. I realize this choice is a lot easier for people who classify themselves as secure and very difficult for people who are anxious or insecure. In a next post I will discuss how you can discover our inner value and become more secure in yourself.
I believe this post will help you take control of your fears by deciding to accept them for what they are, take decisions that will serve you, and acknowledge yourself as the master of your fate, the captain of your destiny. I believe this will inspire you to strive toward your legacy each day no matter what your circumstances may be.
Be extraordinary!
Myles
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